Joy Blogger

In the Life Model we are encouraged to live from our hearts instead of the sark. Before I knew about the Life Model, I used different words when talking about this concept. These words have helped me apply the concept. Perhaps expanding the semantics here will make it easier for others to apply this truth as well. What I learned years ago helped me not only live from my own heart, but it helped me love others unconditionally. That is the emphasis I would like to make here.

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For two weeks now I am a person you are supposed to trust. I am an ordained minister. Just 11 years ago I spent much of my time partying and going through the motions of life. I lived carefree and careless. I wasted countless hours lost in a sea of complacency. It’s difficult to grasp all that has happened in the last one-third of my life but ordination reminds me that God moves. Now that I’m official I can’t help but ponder the question, what makes a pastor trustworthy? Why do I believe I can be trusted to counsel your wife, pray with your children and have the youth group in my house?

Just like you I have read about lots of ministers that could not be trusted. I recently read an article on msnbc about the minister of a mega church in Georgia who years ago slept with his brother’s wife. The woman then became pregnant with a boy. For 34 years this boy and everyone else believed he was this man’s nephew until a DNA test revealed the boy, now a man, was his son! The son is now the minister over the congregation that formerly was led by this man. For years everyone believed the young pastor was the nephew of the former minister when, in truth, it was his son. There’s more debauchery to the story. Now I am a minister and why should you think I will be different?

Here is a glimpse of what I have been doing these past 11 years that has radically transformed my life. I have practiced the 19 character skills I also teach as part of THRIVE that let me be a better husband, son, friend, brother, uncle, counselor, pastor and one day, father. I utilize the effectiveness of the Immanuel process that is part of Skill 13 to heal past wounds. I rely on my people to address painful gaps in my maturity. I receive unbridled feedback and accountability from friends and community. I pay attention to my maturity; accomplishments, gaps, problems and all. I take advantage of the resources God has given me and use each day to grow, learn and love. There is great work to be done and much trust to be earned. I think that the right hemisphere relational skills I have learned are every bit as important to a minister’s leadership as their spiritual beliefs. Without healing and maturing, theology and gifts will not be enough to keep me from using my position of trust as a pastor for my own pleasure and power.

Chris M. Coursey

The students in my summer school classes all failed sophomore English. It’s an interesting dynamic to have 46 kids in one classroom (with 36 desks) who all got “left behind.” The class periods are 2 and 1/2 hours long, and 17 of the students in my first block are also in my second block, which only has 38 students.

We started the week with the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens and with the attached article by Richard Sagor entitled, “Lessons from Skateboarders.” Read the rest of this entry »

The price of the Restarting license has been the source of quite a bit of conversation. Even though everyone wants us to continue developing more materials there is a sobering moment of thought before people spend the $495.00 for the Open Group License. I am tempted to point out that after the first 200 participants you will recover the license fee just from savings on materials. If we think about donations, a group of 50 people who give a donation $1.00 for each night they attend will pay the fee the very first time you complete the 12 week training. By the second time through you could buy and donate a copy to form a second Restarting group. It really is not expensive if you consider the cost of a cup of coffee. Instead, what we are receiving are questions like, “Could you set up a payment plan so groups could pay this off over time?”

What these discussions about price suggest to me is the issue of perceived value. If we were offering a laptop computer for churches with the latest technology at $495.00 we would have a rush of orders we could not fill. After all, a computer has value. Churches understand that Restarting provides the latest technology for recovery based on strong developments in both prayer ministry and brain science but there is very little perceived value in our product. Why? I think it reflects the lack of value in the last programs and videos they bought. Experience tells them that if you buy a computer you get something that will last you for at least two years and do some good. If you buy a video based program for your church that promises to change lives you get little value at all. Look at the results of the last 10 video programs you tried.

So we have a big bump to get over. To design and create a program and training that really does teach some skills, bring some healing, change some lives and provide serious content has taken us some serious work and some serious development costs. Just the Restarting module has over 6 hours of teaching in it and 36 exercises. Some other recovery programs can put all their content into a 20-minute DVD. Judging from the responses we are getting, most churches find more value in the video projectors they buy than in the programs they run through them.

Really, we are not that interested in having you buy another program and plug it into your church. Recovery is not just for people at the bottom or on the fringes any more. Real change comes through people who are really changed. Restarting is joy based, joy driven and Immanuel focused. Once you perceive the value of brain skills, a way to heal in groups and the need for community, Restarting will have the value you seek.

- Jim Wilder

Time has whirled by- at times being aware that life is tentative. Here is a summary update.

But currently- my uncle Bud is back home. I am happy to report that he is even grouchy with having to be in ‘down’ and taking it easy. A sign of movement towards health.

And the adoption of the little boy is still looking like it is going to happen. There have been 4 big disappointments, so the excitement is pregnant with joy! Family is growing!

Thank you to all of you who have added to this life through your interacting with our God on our behalf and your encouraging notes to me!

My life is enriched.

It is not time for me to disclose details, but life has also included ‘a grenade’ exploding resulting in horrid devastation to those I love.

As I walk around with a pit in my gut, I am aware of an inner steadiness and gratitude. How remarkable that our God has already worked out details in life that provided an environment for me to grow personally as well as in my ‘counseling’ field/ prayer ministry - preparing me to be able to walk through the valley of this shadow of death with family. I have a confidence that our Good Shepherd is also with us and His goodness and mercy are following closely on our heels, leading in ways that direct all of us to live increasingly in the sustaining intimacy He offers.

— Maribeth Poole

I heard recently if you take a hummingbird feeder, fill it with sugar water and get birds accustomed to feeding from it, then replace the sugar water with artificially sweetened water you will kill them.   No, sweeteners are not toxic to hummingbirds; they simply die of mal-nutrition.   They drink what seems like food but in reality has no calories for their bodies to use as fuel. 

This is a great analogy for pornography and sexual addiction.  (And other BEEPS as well)  God created us with an innate hunger and need for joyful, relational connections.  We all long for and need to be with people who are genuinely “glad as glad can be to be with me.”  Pornography seems to provide that connection; after all what speaks this message more clearly to a man (or a young boy for that matter) than a beautiful woman appearing naked as the object of his delight? It is close, but no cigar.  It provides excitement, pleasure and chemical activity in the brain, but not in the right place. It becomes candy: lots of calories, but no protein.  It feels good but has no sustaining power.

God gave the gift of sexual intimacy as a way for a husband and wife to share a powerful joy connection.  He even placed the control of our genitals immediately adjacent to our attachment center so that sex would serve as “super glue” bonding man and wife together.  However, when individuals act out with pornography, masturbation and insecure, non-joy filled relationships, they end up bonding themselves to computer screens, fantasy and/or serial relationships that have no sustaining nourishment.  The momentary intensity is high, but the hunger returns almost as quickly as the shame.  The shame, of course, compounds the hunger and the spiral continues at an ever increasing and destructive rate. 

Sexual addiction is just like other BEEPS in most ways.  However, the shame and social taboos associated with it often make it an even more difficult and baffling enemy.  The good news, however is there is hope.  We have seen many individuals face their addiction head on, in community and find freedom and healing.  The THRIVE principles are incredibly helpful in this pernicious war and many are incorporated in a new recovery manual, New Hope For Recovery From Sexual Addiction, upon which I am just putting the finishing touches.  If you are interested in learning more about the manual or sexual addiction recovery, go to www.newhopelawernce.com . 

Darrell Brazell

I’m noticing a shift in my perspective of ‘dying’ as well as in the power of belonging. Let me tell you an ongoing story.

Yesterday was the 1st anniversary of my mom’s home going. Yep. She has been in a different dimension of life for a full year! With our incomprehensible God! With my dad and so many others who are special to her. Including dear Zachi, her grandson who was born 7 years ago this past Sat. and joined her the end of last year. These anniversaries bring eternity to the forefront of my thinking. What delight is happening up there? Events that cannot be compared to the joy and suffering we have at this present time. Read the rest of this entry »

For a long time now, I have been trying to find a way to describe the extent of the difference between Christian Formation and traditional forms of discipleship training. It’s a much bigger paradigm shift than many realize, and communicating that difference is something of a challenge. Because much of the terminology is familiar, it is easy to think that Formation is just another program like all the rest.

I think perhaps the difference between sailing and rowing provides an excellent analogy for the difference between Formation and older forms of discipleship. So I have written an article with that in mind, with the hope that this will make for a better understanding of how significant this paradigm shift really is. Please download the document from this link and then feel free to offer your comments here.

—David

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